where'd you go;

apparently, i shouldnt blog so early in the day.
or else i'll hav things i want to write.
haha.
esp abt the response im getting from my illusion of things.
i rarely do second posts for the day, but i need to relieve my brain. LOL.
well, for one thing, yes i know im nuts.
im a nutty girl today. LOL.
and i know there's no point marrying a guy that technically doesnt exist.
im not even of marriagable age. yes i know.
i suppose, yes, im in partial denial.
but i dont think i'll be hopping into swimming pools screaming anytime soon.
for one i dont rly feel like screaming.
as in like, i dont have anything inside me that i wld like to scream out.
(but thanks for the advice (:)

sometimes, u really thought u had let it go, gave it up, put everything away.
but in then end u find that ur still holding on tight.
whats inside is different from whats outside.
what you think is not what your heart says.
sometimes i get really confused abt that.

(shall diverge topic for awhile..)
like, okay, you know something, u JUST know it.
its almost practically true, staring at your face.
BUT, you dont want it to be true.
so you tell yourself, no its NOT what it is.
u tell yourself that so much so that u start believing yourself.
well yourself - as in what you want, to be true.
aftr that u weigh the two, and realise u dont know wads true and wads not anymore.

(okay then back to the topic..)
so you think you're SO OVER it.
u fret around w other things, let your mind wonder abt other people.
and you think you've got on with life. WOW, great.
then one fine day, it hits you in the face again. (*bish*)
you find those tears on your face again.
and u wonder to yourself, wth, why are they back?
the only reason u could use to explain this was that ur still holding on.
and you actually ARE.
its just like that for me.
i dont know what to do.

all i ever wanted;

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